Tuesday, November 11, 2014

I Have a First Name? I Had Forgotten.

Ever since I became a teacher, I have found that I have two distinct personalities/personas.

By day, I am the ever-so-helpful, generally-cheerful, sometimes-irritable Ms. G., who often finds herself in situations in which she is doing ten different tasks at once. Ms. G. is generally a pleasant person, although she cannot tolerate disorderly conduct, and she works to improve her classroom management skills. She focuses on her goal of helping her students improve their academic skills.

Then, I come home and turn back into Stephanie. Stephanie, who doesn't have her life figured out yet. Stephanie, who can be sarcastic, enjoys bright colors, and freaks out when she does not arrive exactly on time. Stephanie, who is trying to make that transition into adulthood, even though she still looks and feels like a child much of the time. Her mind is pulled into many directions at once. She over analyzes the world and the actions of everyone in it. She sometimes still plays video games and colors in coloring books.

One of the biggest challenges I have faced since I started to teach full time is maintaining a life outside of my job, and therefore keeping in touch with the side of me that is still "Stephanie". Socializing with other people my own age has not been at the top of my list of priorities, as I typically leave a day of teaching feeling exhausted and wanting to do nothing more than take a long nap. Then, when I am rested, I wake up and it's time to go to work again! Oh yeah, and dinner and tackling that mountain of grading is somewhere in between...

When I reminisce about my childhood and early adulthood as a college student, I miss having hobbies. I used to play clarinet. I used to paint and draw. I spent Friday nights in college doing all sorts of shenanigans, like filling my dorm room with 300 balloons, making crafts with friends in my hallway, and talking in made-up accents for no reason. A bunch of people in my dorm room hallway and I once held a fake wedding between one of my friends and a blanket and dressed up in mismatching clothes. I am grateful for these hobbies and the memories I have made that are associated with them, and I sometimes find myself longing for the good ol' days of my youth...

Childhood in general is very structured. When a person goes through school, that person is given a schedule that he/she must follow. The same happens when the person goes to college. Once college is over, though, former college students must face the music: adults are not given schedules. You are expected to get a job and work at that job for about eight hours each day, but once you leave work for the day, you are on your own. There are no after-school clubs or organizations; you have to find your own hobbies on your own time. You have to actually make an effort to see your friends because most of them don't work with you.

Oh yeah, and the strangest part about being in your 20s: Your friends who are the same age as you are going through very different stages of life. Some of my friends from high school and college are already married and have children. Others are in medical school or pursuing Ph.D.s and still have years of school ahead of them. Yet others have been working full time for years but have no plans to settle down and get married (a few of my friends my age have never dated anybody before.) One of my friends from high school is married and owns the house down the street from my other friend from high school, who is still living in her childhood home with her parents. No matter where a person finds him/herself at this age, life becomes chaotic for everybody, and adults are fortunate to see their closest friends once or twice a year.

How does an adult maintain a balanced life? How can we find time to socialize or to embrace our talents and hobbies? These are questions I've struggled with for the last few years, and they are questions for which most of my friends around my age don't have an answer because they are pondering the same thing. I am now twenty-six years old. Shouldn't I have this figured out by now? No, and neither does anybody else, apparently. Maybe there isn't a clear-cut answer. Maybe we each have to find our own way that works for us. Or maybe adulthood is about living in a bubble. Who knows!

And now it's time to practice the art of getting up and going to work, an art that has been mastered by both of my personas.